Animal lovers and decent human beings everywhere are lamenting the recent rise of a new and insidious industry: the live fur industry. Driven by greed and an unnatural predilection for soft, fluffy pelts, the live fur industry has taken the evils of the fashion industry to its logical conclusion – wearing natural leathers and furs without even bothering to remove the rest of the animal. Exemplary of its complete moral turpitude, in 2012 alone, a staggering 97% of all statistics about this industry were completely fabricated.
An animal activist from the Society against Live Fur (“SaLF”) contacted our staff reporter with the following statement:
As a broad-based, independent and unbiased organisation dedicated solely to the utter destruction of the live fur industry, we can confidently claim that the growth of the live fur industry is the biggest and most important issue to face humanity since the inception of the live fur industry. If this terrible trafficking of non-inanimate clothing is not stopped, an indeterminate number of small fluffy animals will be faced with a life of not being slaughtered before being worn. This would be a tragedy of Twilightian proportions.
Of course, there are those who stand to profit from the increasing popularity of live fur. I could mention some big names like Chanel, Louis Vuitton and Jeremy Lin, but none of them would be related to this story. A spokesperson for the live fur industry could not be reached for comment at the time of publication due to possible non-existence and elevated levels of meh.
Now, I know what you’re thinking.
That’s disgusting, stop thinking that.
Instead, you should be thinking: “What can I do, as just one person, to stop/promote this heinous/fabulous turn of events?” In this era of arm-chair activism, HowToWearClothes.com is here to help. In order to garner the maximum support for this important cause, HowToWearClothes is instituting the world’s first bipartisan petition. That means that whether you support or oppose the live fur industry you can sign the same petition and thereby appear to have more support for your particular cause than you otherwise would have.
Make sure you don’t miss out on this important and arbitrarily time sensitive opportunity to make your voice heard. If you fail to act now, you will be directly responsible for the increase/decrease of fashion statements like the ones below. Even the best fashion blogger in the world was not above/below stooping/ascending to the level of sporting some live fur within the comfort of her own home.
Here we see an anonymous fashion blogger/photographer wearing a live chihuahua hat and a velveteen rabbit fur jacket.
Don’t let your frenzied emotions distract you from signing the petition and
spamming sharing this with all of your friends and enemies. Cleverly disguised as a simple blog comment box below, this petition will be sent directly to the internets once it receives 1000 virtual signatures. The internets will know what to do.